So we made it back from that barren wasteland. Just kidding, Brainerd – You know I love you. In the Summer. With the lights off.
As soon as I got home I checked to make sure the water pipes hadn’t burst AND THEN I shined up the new press. Oh, I also made sure the cat was alive. You never know, she has a tendency to fall into vats of oil and get her tail chopped off.
That’s what the press looks like – and I always play that song when I gaze upon it.
That’s where I am. Will I ever be able to get back to Minneapolis? Stay tuned.
And, just because I’m a little obsessed with the weather, I gathered some very important figures. – Record low temperatures in The United States of America:
| State | Temp. | Date | Station | Elevation |
| Alabama | -27 | Jan. 30, 1966 | New Market | 760 |
| Alaska | -80 | Jan. 23, 1971 | Prospect Creek | 1,100 |
| Arizona | -40 | Jan. 7, 1971 | Hawley Lake | 8,180 |
| Arkansas | -29 | Feb. 13, 1905 | Pond | 1,250 |
| California | -45 | Jan. 20, 1937 | Boca | 5,532 |
| Colorado | -61 | Feb. 1, 1985 | Maybell | 5,920 |
| Connecticut | -32 | Feb. 16, 1943 | Falls Village | 585 |
| Delaware | -17 | Jan. 17, 1893 | Millsboro | 20 |
| Florida | – 2 | Feb. 13, 1899 | Tallahassee | 193 |
| Georgia | -17 | Jan. 27, 1940 | Mauna Kea | 13,770 |
| Idaho | -60 | Jan. 18, 1943 | Island Park Dam | 6,285 |
| Illinois | -36 | Jan. 5, 1999 | Congerville | 722 |
| Indiana | -36 | Jan. 19, 1994 | New Whiteland | 785 |
| Iowa | -47 | Feb. 3, 1996* | Elkader | 770 |
| Kansas | -40 | Feb. 13, 1905 | Lebanon | 1,812 |
| Kentucky | -37 | Jan. 19, 1994 | Shelbyville | 730 |
| Louisiana | -16 | Feb. 13, 1899 | Minden | 194 |
| Maine | -48 | Jan. 19, 1925 | Van Buren | 458 |
| Maryland | -40 | Jan. 13, 1912 | Oakland | 2,461 |
| Massachusetts | -35 | Jan. 12, 1981 | Chester | 640 |
| Michigan | -51 | Feb. 9, 1934 | Vanderbilt | 785 |
| Minnesota | -60 | Feb. 2, 1996 | Tower | 1,430 |
| Mississippi | -19 | Jan. 30, 1966 | Corinth | 420 |
| Missouri | -40 | Feb. 13, 1905 | Warsaw | 700 |
| Montana | -70 | Jan. 20, 1954 | Rogers Pass | 5,470 |
| Nebraska | -47 | Feb. 12, 1899 | Camp Clarke | 3,700 |
| Nevada | -50 | Jan. 8, 1937 | San Jacinto | 5,200 |
| New Hampshire | -47 | Jan. 29, 1934 | Mt. Washington | 6,288 |
| New Jersey | -34 | Jan. 5, 1904 | River Vale | 70 |
| New Mexico | -50 | Feb. 1, 1951 | Gavilan | 7,350 |
| New York | -52 | Feb. 18, 1979* | Old Forge | 1,720 |
| North Carolina | -34 | Jan. 21, 1985 | Mt. Mitchell | 6,525 |
| North Dakota | -60 | Feb. 15, 1936 | Parshall | 1,929 |
| Ohio | -39 | Feb. 10, 1899 | Milligan | 800 |
| Oklahoma | -27 | Jan. 18, 1930 | Watts | 958 |
| Oregon | -54 | Feb. 10, 1933* | Seneca | 4,700 |
| Pennsylvania | -42 | Jan. 5, 1904 | Smethport | est. 1,500 |
| Rhode Island | -25 | Feb. 5, 1996 | Greene | 425 |
| South Carolina | -19 | Jan. 21, 1985 | Caesars Head | 3,100 |
| South Dakota | -58 | Feb. 17, 1936 | McIntosh | 2,277 |
| Tennessee | -32 | Dec. 30, 1917 | Mountain City | 2,471 |
| Texas | -23 | Feb. 8, 1933* | Seminole | 3,275 |
| Utah | -69 | Feb. 1, 1985 | Peter’s Sink | 8,092 |
| Vermont | -50 | Dec. 30, 1933 | Bloomfield | 915 |
| Virginia | -30 | Jan. 22, 1985 | Mountain Lake | 3,870 |
| Washington | -48 | Dec. 30, 1968 | Mazama | 2,120 |
| West Virginia | -37 | Dec. 30, 1917 | Lewisburg | 2,200 |
| Wisconsin | -55 | Feb.4, 1996 | Couderay | 1,300 |
| Wyoming | -66 | Feb. 9, 1933 | Riverside | 6,650 |
AND before we start killing and eating each other, we are entertaining ourselves by throwing boiling water into the cold air.
Why is it that the one time I leave my house something awesome happens?? Jack drove the Heidelberg Windmill down from Wahpeton, North Dakota this morning. Drove it right down to our fancy studio.
I’m in Brainerd not running around the house in my underwear and Jen is back at ZP headquarters. Who knew (Jack the mover knew) that the press was going to be delivered TODAY? Apparently, the hydraulic part of the pallet jack (not Jack the mover) didn’t love the 0°. I guess it was frozen and I’m no expert but that seems like a setback. Jen called me wondering where she could find a hair dryer. I don’t know why she wanted to style her hair but I’m not going to judge. Apparently, Jen’s beautiful hair did the trick because the new press is safe and sound in the SW corner of the shop.
Day Two. Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.
•••••
Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .
The Donner (Birthday) Party
Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my 25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.
You make this, you live.
Good luck.
Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.
Is that funny? 